• Kim

The Stain of Guilt

Updated: Mar 18, 2020

"The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, "Behold! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!"" John 1:29

As a young wife I was having a hard time. I mean, I thought I had it all under control. One day I was a teenager and the next day I woke up a wife, pregnant with our first child. I threw myself into being the best at everything that was placed before me.

I loved my husband as well as a nineteen year old knew how. I cleaned and organized and laundered myself into a frenzy. I wanted to be sure I wasted no time and no money on frivolous things. I went to church every time the doors were opened and volunteered for every ministry opportunity that fit me. I was white knuckling it! I desired God's forgiveness and for Him to cleanse me and make me new.

I gave birth to a bouncing baby boy six months after our wedding day and continued on with striving for perfection. I set my goals high at being the best at everything! My new baby would be the cleanest, most well-fed, best dressed baby my hard work and focus could achieve. I was not willing to fail.

I would prove to the Lord that I was worth forgiving. I wanted to show the Lord that I knew I had sinned (big time) but that if I ask for His forgiveness enough and worked hard to make my life spic and span, He would find favor on me. He would not be disappointed in me, and hopefully the Lord would know that all the hard work I was doing was to please Him and not bring dishonor to His name ever again.

I carried that one sin like The Scarlet Letter strapped to my chest for many years. I was self-conscious and paranoid. Boy, did Satan have me fooled. He was constantly whispering lies in my ear. Keeping me red faced and guilt-ridden. The more he whispered the harder I worked at trying to be perfect.

I knew in my heart that I was being fed a web of lies. The first time I asked God to forgive me He did. He cast that sin as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). He remembered it no more (Isa. 43:25).

Although I struggled with this for many years one truth that kept me standing was my salvation (John 3:16). I stood on God's promise that no matter what...I was His (John 10:28). I knew that God's grace was greater than all my sin.

Even though our sins are forgiven when we confess and repent, we may still have consequences in this life for those sins. Our faith will be tested and Satan will always be at our back door lurking in the dark places reminding us of those sins.

Through the test I now have a testimony. All glory to God!

My faith is built on nothing less

than Jesus Christ

and His righteousness.

I love you & He loves you more!

Father, thank You for forgiving and forgetting. I rejoice in knowing my fate is sealed in You. Amen.

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