"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." James 1:2,3
When I was a young mama of two sweet little baby boys I was all about efficiency. As you already have heard I desired a clean, neat existence for my family and my home. From the moment I stepped out of bed in the morning until I laid my head down at night, I needed order to my life. In pursuing this lifestyle, and spending my days with "littles" by my side, it didn't always come easy. I felt most days I was trying to push a rope uphill.
Cameron was walking right along in my footsteps. He would keep his room orderly, even as a toddler. Sometimes I wondered how he played without making a mess. I think most times he just sat in the middle of his bedroom floor and admired the cleanliness of his room. (Fun times!)
Life went on as normal for me as a teenager except that I had this (very cute) human I was responsible for and a husband and home to care for. On good days life was good but on bad days I felt some things were more than I could handle. I would lose my temper and everything I would attempt to do never turned out as it should. (Oh, and most days I thought if Dana would just get with the program, join the team and follow MY rules we could merrily be on our way to Perfection-ville.)
I would pray for God to change the situation or maybe change Dana. The list would go on and on. Nothing seemed to be happening to better my world. I had issues! Patience was one of them, or the lack thereof. I knew I did not want to be an overbearing, self-centered, controlling person so I prayed for patience. I remember the day it happened and I was so excited to share this revelation with Dana. He had just gotten home from work and I met him at the door with a hello and how was your day and I prayed for patience! His response was, "Oh Cutie, you shouldn't pray for patience."
You see, patience isn't a gift it is produced through our trials we face...enter nine months later, Corey.
Corey began his expedition of living in our home with a loud existence. He contracted cholic when he was three months old and for about four months he was in the driver's seat of our afternoons and nights. His little legs would begin to kick and squirm and his belly would harden. His whole body would turn red and he would scream in pain. Crying for hours on end everyday; everynight. Nothing we did or tried to do would give him relief. We were helpless!
I soon felt I had totally lost control. I was not getting much sleep with a hurting baby and a toddler that needed me also. I was behind on my household chores, lacking in the cuddle moments with my children, and just getting by with the short time Dana was home with us after a day spent at work. He was so good to walk right into the chaos and take control of something; anything. Dana spent nights walking the floors holding Corey until our poor baby would fall asleep from exhaustion. Wow! I ask for it and (we) got it! A course in Patience 101.
"But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." (James 1:4)
Those days were brutally hard. Not just the struggle with Corey's sickness but more so the struggle I had going on inside of me. Patience I needed, but I learned that wisdom from God is what I should have been praying for all along.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him." (James 1:5)
God is good! I give Him the glory for seeing us through. Now I look back at that young mama I used to be and wonder, "Was that really me?" I'm the same kind of different. My spirit holds a new light. I call it grace!
I love you & He loves you more!
Dear Lord, Thank you for the joy I have in You, for your grace and mercy during the trials I have faced. May I receive wisdom as I continue to walk this life You have given me. I give You all the glory! Amen.