"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." James 5:16
As I walk my Christian journey in prayer I've often found myself holding back when it came to freely and wholeheartedly telling the Lord, "Your will be done". I feared what He would have for me. I wanted to be in the center of His will but you know...quietly and behind the scenes. I'm not real good when the spotlight is on me (refer to blog post-'Christianity Part 1').
I had the desire to be real with God. To be His child that was eager and always ready to do my part; to follow Him wherever He leads. But with a shaky voice and hands that were not so steady I would secretly hope that He was fine with letting me duck down quietly in the corner of my world where I can look out from behind others; cheer them on and pray for them. I am never one to put myself out there; be front and center.
I will firmly and confidently state that, "I am scared to pray boldly." It's not that I don't trust God and believe He can accomplish anything He sets before me. I believe and know He is able! I just don't have that same confidence in myself. I fully understand one of Moses' reactions when the Lord ask Him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. "...O my Lord, I am not eloquent...I am slow of speech and slow of tongue..." (Ex. 4:10). Yes...that is me!
I have to say I have come a long way from those thoughts and feelings. He has used me in different ways and I have made myself available to be used by Him (but don't let me fool you, I still have fear of the unknown). I am again a work in progress and know that I will be all the days of my life. My prayer is always that the Lord would mold me and make me. That I would be a part of His plan. That I could be used by Him to grow His kingdom. But there's always a but...
But Lord...let it be easy for me...
let it be in my field of expertise...
let it be behind the scenes...
let it be in my prayer closet...
and then, always, "But Lord...Your will be done" (with a trembling voice).
Through reading scripture I have learned:
*The Lord is God and He made me (Ps. 100:3).
*As a believer I am an ambassador for Christ; He does the work through me (2 Cor. 5:20).
*We are to serve God with reverence and godly fear; for we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken (Heb 12:28).
*I am of God; by this I know the Spirit of truth (1 John 4:6).
*I know that there is one God in whom are all things; and Jesus Christ through whom I live
(1 Cor. 8:6).
I hold to these truths and most times I do believe He will accomplish what He wants through me when I am willing. It is so hard for me to admit and pray that, "God use me wherever, however, whenever You will." That scares me but I know that if He brings me to it, He will bring me through it. Praise God!
Do you have this same fear? Let's work on our confidence in who we are in God and our relationship with the One that gives us all we need exactly when we need it (Phil. 4:19).
I love you & He loves you more!
Lord, Thank You for helping me to recognize my fear and give it to You. Thank You for allowing me to be a small part of Your Kingdom's work. Help me to always be ready and able to answer Your call. Take my fear from me and turn it into something You can use for Your glory. Amen.