When Our Children Hurt
"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" Psalm 27:13-14
My phone rang as I was getting into my car. It was just a random Wednesday when I had awoken that morning, but I never could have imagined the depth of heartbreak and helplessness I would be feeling by the close of that day.
As I answered the phone I could barely make out the voice on the other end, as I heard my name groaned out in a most distressful way; I knew it was my son, Corey. It took a lot for him to speak my name, but then to be able to go on with what he had to tell me took a big amount of courage that only came from the depth of his soul that seemed to be ripped in two for the moment (and many, many moments after). I could hear Kristen's tearful apologies as she encouraged him to carry on and then I knew.
I knew the heartache they were experiencing at that time had to have been because of one thing and one thing only. You see, after a long time of trying to get pregnant they had finally succeeded. They had showed up at our house (an hour and a half drive away) on a week night to surprise us with the wonderful news. We all were so excited for them and thanking God for answering all of our prayers.
For seven beautiful weeks they anticipated going to see their baby on the sonogram and hearing that amazing melody of a precious heart beating to the rhythm of life. That day found them to be in the middle of a plan that was not to end the way they had dreamed.
I could feel their agony through the phone, wanting so badly to be able to reach out and touch them. I had always heard that when your children are babies it's so easy to kiss a booboo and make it better but when they become adults there are no amount of kisses that will take away the pain, and this was one of those moments. If I could have taken away that pain and put it on myself, I would have.
For some reason (we will never understand) that was Corey and Kristen's valley to walk through. I think all of us would agree we would choose happy over sad if we wrote our life out on the pages, don't you think? The scars we carry; the pain we rise up from; the hurt that can stab so deeply has a way of mending themselves. In the darkness we find light because as Christians that is where God's goodness and grace abounds.
David's certainty of the goodness of God brought light to his darkness, victory to his battle, and healing balm to his bruised and torn flesh. And that same certainty of God's goodness and grace in their situation healed and restored what my children had lost and longed for.
Over the time that followed Dana and I sought the Lord for comfort, healing, guidance, and a calm certainty for them and that their prayers to grow their family would be in His plan. We held them close in our hearts and minds as the days passed, knowing that God held them in His arms.
God is our shelter, rock, salvation and song of joy. He lifts our head and helps in times of need. He never leaves or forsakes. Praise God!
I love you & He loves you more!
Dear Lord, Thank You for bringing Corey and Kristen through this heart wrenching loss and even on through a second time. Your grace is good and Your love endures. Thank You for blessings of our sweet little Logan; she is definitely a hope-filled goodness today. Be with those that have loved and lost. Protect the babies, Lord. In Your name I pray. Amen.