"Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:10
Did you fall in love with the one you married with all hopes of knowing he had perfect potential to be all you hoped and dreamed of? Did you think that his annoying ways could be taken care of after the honeymoon? Your picture perfect, lifelong roommate would be born in time after you did your magic on him, right?
Well, it didn't take long for me to pull out my prescription pad and begin to list all of Dana's shortcomings and imperfections. I was set on weeding out, scrubbing down and cleaning up this man I married into exactly what I thought I wanted and needed in a husband.
I prayed daily for God to change him. Make him into the man He wanted him to be, but with my laundry list of wishes attached. I wanted Dana to see things my way. I desired that our relationship would be as I thought it should be. I had all the answers and I thought he should listen up and be in agreement.
I have to say that first year of marriage was quite a struggle, to say the least. Dana was a more difficult patient than I thought he would be. He seemed confident and so sure of himself in making decisions for us, even if I didn't agree. It never failed that when I saw something one way he always saw it the opposite. He was set on being indifferent to me no matter what.
I learned quickly that he didn't like it at all if I pointed my finger at him while trying to get my point across. And he wouldn't give me the time of day if I raised my voice when I felt he wasn't listening.
Needless to say I struggled with him and with the Lord for some time about succeeding with this endeavor. I was failing at all points and was losing ground in my efforts at making him into what I wanted him to be. Then the Lord started shifting my vision on who really needed the changing, you guessed it...it was me.
I felt God calmly calling me into His presence and showing me how I didn't want what I was asking for. You see, God made Dana just as he was and he was being exactly how God wanted him to be as a husband for me. I was the one He needed to work on. I was the one who was being hard nosed and bossy. I had put all of my focus on Dana's flaws so much so that I had taken the focus off of my own.
We have to look at marriage as a checking account. If both of us are making deposits, our account increases, but if we are only making withdrawals, the account is drained until soon there is nothing left.
When I began making necessary changes in my heart, my outlook, and my attitude, I also noticed changes in Dana. What took a few, good, hard months of realizing this has brought years of true, genuine happiness in our marriage. It has cultivated companionship and a true partnership that results in respect for one another.
Maybe you are struggling to make changes in your spouse. Consider this; Could it be that the change your husband needs is you?
I love you & He loves you more!
Lord, Thank you for the early days of being young and immature to help grow me into a woman after Your own heart. Thank You for allowing me to see the changes needed were in me. Help me to continue to keep my eyes of change on me and not anyone else. In Jesus' name. Amen.