The Deep End
"If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction. I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life." Psalm 119:92-93
I stood at the edge of the diving board. I looked down at my sister (Tammy), who is six years older than I, holding to a big green float encouraging me to jump. My younger sister (Sonya) standing in line behind me to take her turn, was cheering me on. My daddy, watching from a close distance so that he could easily jump in to my rescue if need be, going through the steps of what I should do to be successful at this endeavor.
I wanted to jump so badly but the fear of the deep water was so strong it made me want to shrink back and give up, allowing my little sister to achieve it first (and I just couldn't let that happen). I could swim. I was a great swimmer. I'd been swimming for years. Mama always said I stayed under water more than on top when spending time in a pool. I was so over having to stay in the shallow part, like a baby. I was maybe nine years old, by all accounts, plenty old enough to jump in and wear this accomplishment like a badge and to own the freedom of the whole of a pool; no more boundary lines required for me.
It took a lot to muster up the courage to finally make that first leap, but I did it. I remember that first jump like it was yesterday. We were in our favorite place (see post; 'Camp Joy') and had taken a much needed break from all the cleaning. Tammy had been teaching Sonya and I all the tricks of the trade in being confident swimmers in water that was over our heads, and had finally talked us into conquering our trepidation of jumping off the diving board into the dark abyss.
Can I even explain to you the joy I felt after the fright dissipated knowing that I could do it? It opened up a whole new world of water fun for me. The week we spent in that pool was my most favorite one. I swam so much that at night when I would lay my head down to sleep every muscle in my body had a hard time relaxing; all the water inside my head felt like that of a bathtub that had taken up residence and made me feel like I was floating in the ocean all night. Tammy tells of the conversations she would have with me while I was sleep-talking, all about my experience for that day in the deep waters.
I believe we all face insecurities in our adult life. The fear of the unknown. The dread of change. The concerns of failure. We give ourselves negative thoughts and tend to block out those around us that are trying to encourage us and cheer us on. The Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, being our biggest fan and encourager.
Just like that deep water I was looking into from on top of that platform, my focus was not on the life raft or my capable sister who was only a few feet away, I kept refocusing on the depth; the darkness; the emptiness of no bottom for my feet to grasp. Our insecurities can grip us to the point where nothing life giving can get in. We forget truth. We forget where our safety net is and before we know it we're drowning in fear. When fear takes over, it clouds our mind so that the truth of Christ is hard for us to grasp.
The best way to let Truth be our guide is to let Jesus inside. Let Him be our guide and reconnect our thinking. Insecurity only has power over you when you allow it to control your thoughts and feelings. When we let God's Word in and begin to walk in the light of His truth then it will become a lifeline to our souls, which is what I think this above scripture is telling us.
We are limited in what we can do and be, but the moment we receive Jesus into our lives our potential has unlimited boundaries. Jesus lives inside of us and He gives us freedom from the darkness of insecurity and strongholds and power to walk in a new way; a new life, when we cling to Him.
Our heavenly Father is there in the deep end. He is your life raft; holding His arms out to you; wanting you to take hold of Truth. Hold your breath and take the jump right into the Father's arms. Grasp His hand and allow all your doubts and uncertainties to rest on Him. He is willing and able to take them.
I love you & He loves you more!
Lord, Help me to focus on You and not on my insecurities that hold me back. May Your truth change me into what You have for me to be. I believe in You; help my unbelief. In Jesus' name. Amen.