Sink or Swim

"And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Let's step back to ninth grade again, shall we? I was on a mission to find a sport I could excel in so I thought swim team would be the perfect match for me. Gran and Pop had a pool built in the backyard a couple of years earlier and I had been practicing my back stroke and thought I could really be a positive addition to this swimming group.

At Erwin the swim team would meet directly after school and catch a bus headed to our nearby Jeff State Community College. We then would go directly to the locker room and change into our swim attire and head for the olympic sized pool.

The pool was very large and intimidating the first time I saw it, but I soon took to it like a duck to water. My coach was large and in charge but so kind and gentle with his explanations of how to become a competitive swimmer. (I did not have a competitive bone in my body.)

I soon picked up on all the 'pool lingo' from the deck to the blocks to yardage. I was quickly making my way to swimming thousands of yards a day during my practice sessions, learning how to turn correctly and stay within the lane markers (harder than one would think). I would go home after practice and eat supper, (that much swimming caused me to have an enormous appetite) then fall into bed exhausted, but so satisfied with my successes of that day. I loved everything about being a part of this group until we were staring competition day in the face (that is when I started back paddling, literally).

After my short stint with the track team earlier in that year and now facing race day with the swimmers I soon realized that the fast pace, jaw-tightening, adrenaline-rushing feeling of competing was not what I bargained for.

You see, I enjoyed the daily grind of challenging myself but the idea of competing did not appeal to me. I just didn't have the competitive spirit that drove me to want to participate...so I didn't. My swimming career ended as soon as it began. (Oh if I could go back and talk to that fourteen year old girl.)

Because I know myself, my weaknesses and failures. I know what I've done and what I regret and what I've been saved from. I know all the ways I continue to fail on a daily basis. Then I have to ask myself, "If I'm disappointed in me, how is God not disappointed in me? How does He look at me with unfailing love and hope that I'll do better tomorrow?"

I think about my life and how He's seen me through each and every phase all the way back to that insecure teenager. I can see more clearly now and understand that He was weaving together plans and purposes and a future that I couldn't have imagined.

I have always been hard on myself with feelings of never quite measuring up; being enough; loving enough; living with purpose or being significant. I give others the benefit of the doubt and am quick to encourage and reinforce their value when they are down on themselves but never give myself that same grace.

Do you find yourself there with me?

Did you know God has never once looked at you or I while shaking His head and said, "What a failure. I misjudged your potential. How disappointing." That is not how He works.

God's love is so big we will never fully comprehend it. I don't think we have the ability in our human mind to fully grasp the love of God for His people. It is just too big! To know and understand His love is to look at the cross and grasp the depth of just what that sacrifice cost Him. I can't, can you? To me it is unimaginable what He did for us there on that hill in the name of love.

I realize that maybe it's better to sink into God's grace rather than to try to keep swimming in my own power. I need to let go and let God have the power over me...you're more than welcome to come along.

I love you & He loves you more!

Lord, Your love is amazing even more than I can say. I will rest in knowing and believing and trusting that Your grace is sufficient and that through You I can boast the more gladly in my weakness because You are strong in me. Thank You, Jesus. Amen.