"In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent." Psalm 4:4
Is anger bad? When we feud with our spouse and allow anger to get in the mix is that a safe space to venture?
David's wise counsel in the first part of this scripture causes me to think that anger is a natural God given emotion that we will experience from time to time, but what we do with that anger or how we act during it gives cause to whether we sin or not.
I don't believe anger is the real villain, it's how we express it that can be the problem. Anger can actually improve your marriage if you channel it in the right direction. I read once that the key to making anger a positive force in your marriage is to decide beforehand that, when you get angry, you will attack the problem and not your mate.
So many times when we argue with our spouse and the heat excalates on a disagreement or misunderstanding, we automatically go into survival mode. We begin attacking one another through fear or frustration causing hurt feelings to arise, then anger takes over causing us to say hurtful things we don't mean or that shouldn't be said in the first place. (...and we all know words that are spoken out of anger can be forgiven but hardly ever forgotten.)
If you'll notice the last part of the above scripture, "search your hearts and be silent." Now I know you're saying, "How in the world do you go from having a heated argument to being silent?" Well, in the midst of the argument someone has to take a stand, (be the bigger person) end it and choose to be quiet. (Having the last harsh word is not always a win.) Walk away, take a few deep breaths and cool down, then go back to your loved one and graciously ask for forgiveness for letting it get out of hand, then sit down and finish the discussion in a more calm manner.
"...for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin". Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and don't give the devil a foothold." (Eph, 4:25b-27)
First, we must remember we were joined together as one with God. Second, when we get angry our sin begins when we start attacking each other with unkind and useless words. Third, we all know that satan loves the darkness, that is where he does his most cunning work; we cannot let him have a foothold in our mind or our marriage.
Choose to attack the problem, not each other.
I love you & He loves you more!
Lord, Thank You for Your grace and mercy You pour out on us each and every morning. Bless our marriage and allow us to know how better to relate to one another when disputes arise. In Jesus' name. Amen.